Recently I was talking to my friend about the emotional roller-coaster he's been on over the past few years. Several years ago he found out that the man who raised him, wasn't his biological father. He also found out that his siblings and parents all knew and had been keeping this secret from him for over 33 years. He described to me his feelings of betrayal and confusion, of feeling disconnected from those closest to him. He felt that he had been robbed of the chance of getting to know and develop a bond with his "real" father. He went through a period of isolation from his family. Not knowing who to trust or rely on, he reached out to his biological dad for answers.
My friend was expecting his biological dad to have all the answers. How could you let another man raise your child? What are your family roots/background? Why didn't you try to see me or be with me all those years? My friend's biological father wasn't interested in answering questions because he had a few of his own. The biological father was more interested in knowing about my friend's "status"; "what have you accomplished in life?; what do you have;? what have you done?". It became apparent to my friend that his biological father was not the man he had hoped he would be; his character, values and morals were not similar to my friends'.
As I began to reflect on my friend's experience, I wondered what he would be like today if his biological father had raised him. My friend is not materialistic, doesn't care what people think of him and is a great father. He could have been a completely different person if his "real" father had raised him or had any influence in his life. I asked my friend how he was finally able to move forward, forgive his family and accept what had happened to him. He said, "he realized that the right man raised him". How profound is that? My friend was so busy being upset with his family for keeping this secret that he hadn't thought about the path his life could have taken if "his daddy" had been "his daddy".
Now I'm not suggesting that my friend's anger wasn't warranted; he had every right to feel the way he did about this secret. But when you think about the character of a man who would knowingly raise another man's child and love that child as if he's his own, you must respect and appreciate "that daddy". My friend said that he loves and appreciates his father (the man who raised him) so much; he has poured into his life and helped him to develop into the man he is today.
Think about the people who have influenced your life; those who have helped to "shape you into the person you are today". Who's your daddy? I don't know about you, but I'll take the devoted daddy over the DNA daddy any day :o)